Xandro and Agnetha
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
There was ‘something different’ about Xandro at six weeks old, his mum Agnetha told the Royal Commission. ‘He was a baby that never wanted to be still.’
‘But because he had this incredible intelligence and he was hitting his baby milestones, [he] never got diagnosed with anything.’
Agnetha struggled to help Xandro.
In kindergarten, Xandro would become heightened and run away. Agnetha begged staff to fix the holes in the fence, but instead they sent him home.
Soon, they were regularly suspending him.
‘I was given no support as a parent and a carer of a child with an undiagnosed disability. And rather than the kindergarten reaching out and saying, “You're struggling. What can we actually do to help?” they just reported us.’
Child services became involved.
‘They were the only ones that could see that the family was actually struggling, but not for the reasons that they were investigating.’
Child services dismissed the kindergarten’s allegations and referred Xandro for assessment.
He was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and anxiety.
Agnetha applied to the NDIS but was knocked back because ADHD isn’t an approved disability.
At school, Xandro was overwhelmed and anxious and behaved accordingly. The school responded by sending him home.
If he wet his pants they would call Agnetha to change him.
‘I was called into school probably every second day to pick my child up by recess. He was not getting educated … [It] made it impossible for me to ever work.’
In year 2, Xandro was formally assessed as autistic.
The school didn’t make adjustments and continued to punish him for his behaviours.
When they tried to expel him, Agnetha sent them a copy of the Disability Discrimination Act.
Soon after, the principal pressured Agnetha and Xandro’s doctors to change his medication.
Xandro began experiencing adverse side effects.
‘I had a seven-year-old who was so scared of the vivid dreams that this medication gave him that he wanted to kill himself to make the dreams stop.’
Agnetha stopped the medication and booked the next available appointment with the doctor.
When the school discovered Xandro was no longer taking the medication, they accused Agnetha of giving him a ‘medication holiday’ and reported her to child services.
The investigation was closed almost immediately, but caused significant stress for the family.
Agnetha believes the school reported her to child services because they had been unable to expel Xandro.
Shortly after, the first COVID-19 lockdown began.
The school refused to support Xandro with online learning because they had to ‘focus on educating the majority, not the minority’.
Despite this, when he didn’t submit assessments, the school again threatened to report Agnetha to child services.
‘I now know unequivocally they were reporting me to [child services] on a weekly basis.’
Agnetha discovered the school was also widely sharing personal information about her and her family.
She felt she had no choice but to remove Xandro from the school.
He briefly attended the local state school but they would only allow him to attend for about two hours a day. After a few weeks the principal suggested Xandro move to a special school.
The special school assessed him as gifted and didn’t believe they could educate him. He would have been the only child in his year without an intellectual disability.
Agnetha decided to enrol Xandro in distance education and he completes the curriculum from home.
She said a high proportion of students enrolled in distance education are autistic.
Xandro has recently done his year 5 NAPLAN, and his results have all been in the top band for his year.
‘I'm incredibly proud of how far he's come.’
But distance education is not a long-term solution.
‘It makes things difficult financially,’ Agnetha said. ‘I still can't work.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.