Scott and Alma
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I am pleading for your help to protect carers who are victims of domestic violence and the dependent children they care for. Women should not have to choose between the welfare of themselves and the welfare of their children.’
Alma’s son, Scott, has disabilities that include anxiety, autism and oppositional defiant disorder. It’s difficult for Scott to work and make friends. He doesn’t trust doctors. He can also be violent.
Alma has been his sole carer since she and Scott’s father separated a decade ago.
‘Because of this role, I do not have the opportunity to have a full-time job, nor time for social interaction.’
Alma told the Royal Commission that in recent years, Scott became ‘increasingly aggressive and verbally abusive’.
‘I have difficulty concentrating on tasks, I am constantly anxious, as I feel that any moment he may become upset if I say something that triggers him, which happens quite often and unpredictably.’
Scott’s anger often escalates to ‘explosions such as hitting walls, slamming doors, throwing items’.
‘Many of my belongings have been damaged by throwing.’
To escape Scott when he’s violent, Alma rents separate accommodation nearby.
‘I ended up losing much of my savings as I was forced to pay rent for two private rentals and utilities for myself and my son, and all on a carer’s allowance.’
Alma asked family violence services for support, but they told her she’s not eligible for crisis accommodation, financial help or counselling until she leaves her son.
‘I am unwilling to end my relationship with my son and to suggest I do this is incomprehensible.’
Church and community-based services also told Alma she was ineligible for help unless she separated from her son and ‘have him put into an institution or potentially prison’.
‘My son has a background of trauma and let-downs from services, alongside his disabilities. From childhood and teens until now he has experienced a world of trauma, feeling rejected, and disappointed … I was unwilling to see his health deteriorate in this way.’
Alma said most services helped victims of violence escape the perpetrator of violence, ‘but [this] is not an option for a parent who is a sole carer’.
‘I can see that many mothers in my position would end up living with their family violence perpetrators as the services do not exist to assist them to support themselves and their children who have a disability.’
Alma told the Royal Commission that although Scott has an NDIS plan, it offers no protection to her as her son’s carer.
‘There is no assistance available for carers who suffer family violence from the person they are caring for.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.