Nerida
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Nerida is in her 40s and lives with cerebral palsy and post-traumatic stress disorder. She has two teenage children. She shared with the Royal Commission her experiences as a person with disability in the family court system.
Nerida is a survivor of domestic abuse, having been ‘emotionally, mentally and physically’ abused by her ex-husband during their marriage.
‘Our close friends knew that I had cerebral palsy and knew that I had falls and what not. So if I was covered in bruises [they would say] “oh yeah you fell again?” And I would say, “Yep.” Dismissed.’
When the couple first separated, the children lived with Nerida. ‘I was doing the best with the skills that I had at the time.’
After five years, her ex-husband made an application to the Family Court. His lawyers honed in on her psychosocial disability.
‘It was all about “oh, you've got mental health, you've got anxiety and depression” ... nothing about the [cerebral palsy] as such ... there’s no understanding or empathy of any of that.’
She felt the legal system expected her to be ‘Wonder Woman’, able to perform various physical feats despite being hemiplegic on one side of her body. ‘I don’t want people to feel anything less of me because I can’t do them things. But I am who I am.’
She said she went through a ‘whirlwind of emotions’ during the court process. At no time was she ever asked, ‘So what does cerebral palsy actually mean to you?’
‘On the whole, I've never thought that someone thinks any less of me because of my disability,’ Nerida said. But in the court system, it’s ‘a whole new ballgame’.
Ultimately, Nerida lost custody of her children. ‘I just feel that my rights have been violated so much ... I am who I am ... I can’t fit in this box that I’m not.’
She has an hour of contact with her children each week, but has not physically spent time with them in more than two years. ‘I definitely think there was absolutely no understanding of a disability, to be quite honest ... I now don't have a relationship with my children.’
Nerida is disappointed with the court system, and feels it ‘manipulates’ people with disability.
‘I don't understand when we tell young people “don't be ashamed of your disability”, because in reality you are [made] ashamed, and you are used and abused because of it. It’s false hope.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.