Mirani
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘Anybody else that I've ever spoken to that's gone through domestic violence does have a disability … and it's how it keeps you there and it's how it's used as a weapon. It's weaponised against you.’
Mirani is in her 40s and has complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). When she was in her 20s, a doctor diagnosed borderline personality disorder (BPD) after an abusive partner broke her arm.
‘I said to [the doctor], “What does [BPD] mean?” and he goes, “It means you'll spend your life in and out of a psychiatric hospital. You'll never get married.” … That’s also why I settled down so quickly, because I thought I was lucky that someone wanted me.’
Mirani told the Royal Commission her husband used the BPD diagnosis to abuse her for nearly 20 years.
‘Every time my husband would abuse me either physically, sexually, emotionally and I would cry [he would say], “Waterworks, here's the borderline. So dramatic” … He told me that if I left I'd be seen as an unfit mother because I've got a mental illness, that it was all my fault.’
Mirani said her family’s GP would also blame her disability for her husband’s behaviour.
‘I'd say, “Oh my husband is very angry.” And he'd say, “Well what are you doing? How are you behaving?” … I would say, “I'm really depressed.” And he would say, “Well do you know how hard it is to live with someone with a mental illness like yours? You're actually very lucky that your husband has stayed with you.”’
Mirani said the GP always took her husband’s side.
‘If I would go in with my husband to the GP he would talk to my husband about me. He would look at him and discuss what was wrong with me.’
When she once told the GP her husband sexually assaulted her, the GP said her husband ‘liked it rough’.
‘That was part of the cycle of the sexual abuse on me … I just wish someone had asked me if I was okay.’
Instead, the GP increased her medication.
‘I went from a low dose of antipsychotics to a thousand milligrams. Now that's what they give patients in hospital to sedate them, and I lived with that.’
When her daughter had stomach aches and she took her to see the GP, the GP told Mirani ‘she’s got tummy aches’ because of the stress of having a ‘stressed mum’.
‘One day we were at the GPs and she dropped down with a stomach ache. And he went, “Oh is that what you're talking about? That's not normal.” And she had coeliac disease.’
Mirani said despite her husband’s violence, it wasn’t until she left him and spoke to a family violence worker that she realised she was being abused.
During their divorce, the family GP supported her husband.
‘I actually saw his referral … that said, “Please support” my ex-husband's name “after the separation of his wife” in brackets “who has serious mental health issues”.’
Mirani said since her divorce, a therapist diagnosed depression and C-PTSD, but told her she ‘doesn’t present as someone that has borderline [personality disorder]’.
Mirani has since returned to study, and she and her children are receiving therapy and ‘finally starting to heal’.
‘I hope by sharing that something good comes out of it for other people,’ she told the Royal Commission. ‘My biggest thing I think that needs to be looked at is how the medical professionals didn't support me to even see or help me understand, or even ask that basic question I never got asked – “Are you okay?”'
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.