Miena
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I look back and see I was sick, I had bipolar, I was in a manic. And I saw all the drugs that kill heaps. I've been the one that has cut the chain of abuse.’
Miena was sexually abused as a child and has lived with mental illness ever since. For years she was ‘suffering an anxiety disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder and not knowing and understanding’.
‘Because back in the day I wouldn't speak about stuff that happened to me because I was too ashamed,’ she told the Royal Commission. ‘And I'm still a traumatised girl. My illness makes me suicidal and I get so overwhelmed with triggers of traumatic memories.’
Miena was in and out of psychiatric wards. She said police treated her ‘like a criminal’ when they took her to ‘the psych hospital’.
‘And it's all scary in there, and, you know, the whole system of mental health is.’
Miena’s anxiety worsened seeing the ‘white padded rooms’ and ‘wardens giving injections’. She said mental health staff offered her no support.
‘That was terrifying because there's other patients in the psych ward that are really psycho and scary and, yeah, it was horrific.’
Over the years, doctors prescribed her a lot of different drugs.
‘I needed antidepressants because I was just sleeping all the time and just crying and felt hopeless and helpless. And you know, there was no quality of life there at all for me … And then I got put on Xanax, and I was never educated of the dangers of them. I just got told to take them when I felt anxious.’
Miena hid from the world, fearing she’d ‘turned into a drug addict’. She feels psychiatrists were wrong in ‘trying to medicate memories and pain’.
‘All of the prescription drugs the whole time were prescribed, so I didn't misuse them. I didn’t doctor shop. I ended going off them cold turkey and then I got what is called benzo withdrawal syndrome. It was the worst six years of my life.’
Miena got help from a specialist.
‘He put me back on [an anxiety treatment] after two years of suffering real bad. And I've been stable on that for about eight years now.’
The NDIS has been a saviour, Miena said. She learnt about it at a critical time when she was having ‘a really big breakdown about everything’.
A counsellor put Miena in touch with a service provider and today she has a ‘beautiful support worker’.
‘And, yeah, they're helping me in so many ways. And I wouldn't be alive if that didn't happen. I wouldn't leave the house because I was petrified of what was outside the gate. Now, in the last year, I've started going out. I have created a day and I call that Friday fun day.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.