Mei

Mei is in her thirties and lives with her husband, Donny. Mei has an intellectual disability. Throughout her life, she told the Royal Commission, she has experienced violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation at the hands of those who should have been protecting her – her family, foster family, her boyfriend and her husband’s grandparents.

Mei first experienced abuse in her family home. She was often being ‘pushed, hit, grabbed, and shaken’ and called things like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’. Mei remembers being locked in her room for hours on end.

Mei moved to a foster family in her late teens and for the first two years, her foster family was loving and kind and she felt wanted. However, things changed when Mei’s foster father began to question her trust and started to ask Mei to do things to show she trusted him. Mei says he used to give her soft drink mixed with alcohol, and there were other times she believes he drugged her.

‘To gain his trust’, he asked to take photographs of Mei – firstly with clothes on, then nude. This escalated to him wanting to massage her with no clothes on, then wanting her to get in the spa with him. Eventually he started to force himself on her in a sexual manner.

When this abuse started, Mei became increasingly unwell. One day she told her foster mother what had been going on and the police were bought in to investigate. No charges were ever laid, but not long after that Mei was moved out of that home and into a supported residential facility.

Mei lived in this facility for the next two years and met a new boyfriend. They moved in together, but shortly after the boyfriend became extremely violent – verbally, physically and psychologically.

A social worker found crisis accommodation for Mei. She was in a hotel for a short period of time, then she was moved into an aged care facility. Mei felt safe there, but for a young woman in her early twenties, it was definitely not age appropriate. Mei called it ‘the old folks home’.

Eventually they found Mei a unit to move into. She felt safe and secure and loved living on her own. She met a new boyfriend, Donny, who moved in with her. They lived together in Mei’s unit for a few years before moving to be closer to Donny’s family – his grandparents – who helped them purchase a house.

But Donny’s grandparents were ‘manipulative, violent and controlling’. They entered the home whenever they chose, never respecting Donny and Mei’s privacy. They were verbally and physically abusive to Mei. They often hit her, pushed her around and threatened to stab or shoot her. Mei said, ‘While they tried hard to split us up, it made our relationship stronger’.

After three years of constant abuse, Mei went to the police and an intervention order was placed on the grandparents. But the abuse and threats escalated. Things became so bad that one day, unable to deal with any more abuse, Mei climbed out the window and jumped off the roof. She spent three months in hospital.

Before returning home from hospital, Mei sought support from a local family violence service which organised security cameras around the home and new security doors to keep Mei safe. This worked for a while, but then the grandparents started to demand rent and soon Donny was served with legal papers to sell the house, so they moved out.

Mei still does not feel safe in her current home. The intervention order is still in place, but the grandparents continue to phone and drive past the new house, making life uncomfortable and threatening.

Mei and Donny married a few years ago and look forward to one day having a peaceful life, free from fear, and a family of their own. Mei knows that they would need a lot of assistance in their home for this to occur, but she has always wanted her own family.

Mei is now supported by an NDIS plan, an advocate and carers who come daily to support her everyday needs. Life is better, but she still has constant fear and worry about the future.