Matias
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I feel like if I try and participate I’m going to get hurt – and it’s stayed with me since childhood. I’m still living the same kind of scared existence that I developed as a child.’
Matias is in his late 40s and is autistic. He was only diagnosed recently.
‘I spent 20 years chasing my tail trying to figure out why I didn’t fit in with everyone else,’ Matias told the Royal Commission.’
As a result, Matias said he had been ‘isolated’ and shut out his whole life. ‘Ostracised at school, ostracised from participating generally and ostracised from the family.’
As a private-school student in the 1980s, Matias described his upbringing as ‘privileged’. But because he was ‘larger than other children’ and ‘seen as a nerd’, his classmates bullied him. ‘To the point where I developed a childhood eating disorder,’ he said.
The school put Matias in cadets. ‘Back in the day it was, “We’ve got a fat kid … We’ll march him around the paddock.”’
Boys ‘who had been given the job as corporals’ shouted at him, like ‘drill sergeants’ from army movies because they thought him ‘uncoordinated’.
‘You know, from the latest Clint Eastwood movie that they had watched … Those kinds of things just stick in your head your whole life.’
After school, Matias studied property valuation.
‘And I was a property analyst for property developers when I first finished university. But I had problems in the workplace, and so I had to drop out.’
Ever since, he has struggled to find and keep work because of his disability.
‘People on the autism spectrum are actually quite good at getting technical things done … but no good at the job interview process.’
Matias feels he misses out on adequate DES support because of his late diagnosis.
Meanwhile, his interaction with the NDIS has been a ‘constant battle’.
He said many autism organisations only look after children.
‘I think they know how angry and messed up all these undiagnosed autistic adults are, it’s too hard for them to deal with.’
After working a few months as an Uber driver, Matias became homeless during the COVID-19 pandemic. He was sleeping in his car.
He is now living in a hotel room, where his only visitors are support workers.
‘They’ve basically been my paid friends over the course of the pandemic and helped me exercise and participate a bit socially.’
But the childhood bullying has scarred him for life.
‘That’s what I’ve been suffering from my whole life, the anxiety of that fight or flight response syndrome … I should be in the prime of my life, but I’m afraid of participating in society because I feel totally ostracised.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.