Magnus

Magnus, late 40s, was born in Australia but grew up in a country where it was ‘a criminal offence to be gay or bisexual’.

As a young bisexual man Magnus lived in fear.

‘[I was] bullied, threatened every day because I had visible mental health issues, with the severe depression, but underlying there was a psychosis there.’

In his early 20s, back in Australia, he attended a community mental health clinic after an attempted suicide.

The psychiatrist insisted Magnus did not have psychosis and gave him antianxiety medication, which had severe side effects. Magnus slept for 13 hours a day and was insatiably hungry when awake.

Magnus returned overseas briefly and was able to access more appropriate medication.

Back in Australia again, Magnus attended the community mental health clinic and saw the same psychiatrist. The psychiatrist diagnosed Magnus with schizophrenia and prescribed clozapine.

Magnus said the psychiatrist did not tell him about the significant side effects of the drug. He felt constantly dizzy and experienced memory loss and couldn’t form new memories.

He asked if he could discontinue the medication, but the psychiatrist dismissed his concerns as imagined and part of his psychosis. When Magnus refused to consent to the drug, the psychiatrist said, ‘If you don't take this medication, you'll get no medication.’

Magnus asked to see a different psychiatrist but the clinic refused. ‘There was no right to a second opinion.’

Magnus made a complaint and requested his health records, but was told he couldn’t access his own files as the files contained distressing content and it would not be in his best interests.

Magnus stopped taking the clozapine and discovered many services refused to support him. A counselling service refused to treat him because they considered him too much of a suicide risk.

‘None of the services were available to me … If you have a mild mental illness and you aren’t on medication, you receive no help.’

Magnus eventually saw a different specialist and was diagnosed with a heart condition caused by the clozapine. Nine months later he was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma which, according to his haematologist, is also associated with clozapine use.

Magnus now takes a different medication and has had minimal side effects for the past 15 years.

He recently developed a serious issue with his bowel, which he attributes to his past use of clozapine. He had to have surgery to remove his colon and anus and now lives with a colostomy bag. This has had a profound impact on his quality of life.

‘Being queer and losing your colon and to have no anus is basically the end of your sex life.’

Magnus considers himself both mentally and physically ‘profoundly disabled’ and feels isolated from society.

‘I find on a physical level now, I'm not accepted in the queer community. If I mention neurological problems, they'll ask me how I developed them. If I tell them I have schizophrenia, it's almost like social ostracism.’

Magnus has moved to a different city but said his diagnosis of schizophrenia makes things difficult.

Recently he went to hospital because he was having problems with his stoma. He said once doctors saw the schizophrenia diagnosis, they didn’t take his concerns seriously and discharged him. Later that night he returned to emergency and had to be admitted to hospital.

‘I think sometimes the hospitals, if you have a psychosis or a schizophrenia diagnosis, you do not get the same level of care that other patients would.’

Magnus believes if he had been given appropriate medication, he could probably have worked and had a relatively normal life.

‘What happened to me is far worse than anything I'd ever dreamt about … having reduced quality of life, having the stigma of psychotic illness and all the limitations in my life that would bring me all the disbelief.’