Liddy
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Liddy, early 40s, has multiple sclerosis (MS) and lives with depression. She told the Royal Commission that MS affects her ability to think clearly and her brain sometimes ‘switches off completely’.
‘If you imagine you’ve had quite a lot to drink … You wake up in the morning and you’ve gone, “Geez, I don’t remember that conversation. I don’t remember that.”’
Liddy said her ex-husband used her MS as an excuse to control her.
He wouldn’t share his bank account and tightly controlled their credit card.
‘I wasn’t able to access money to buy things.’
He also isolated her from her family and friends, telling her they didn’t care about her.
Following the birth of one of her children, Liddy experienced postnatal depression.
One day she was at an appointment with the maternal health nurse.
‘We talk about our experiences, they ask how we are, and that's really when someone first pointed out to me, "I think you're going through domestic violence."’
A short time later. Liddy’s ex-husband came home drunk, became violent and started to strangle her.
The children were ‘screaming and crying’.
Liddy rang police.
Seeing the marks around her throat, police suggested they ring an ambulance. Liddy declined because she didn’t want to leave her children.
In hindsight, she wishes she’d accepted the offer – there would have been a medical record of her injuries.
Police took her husband away and took out an apprehended violence order, but didn’t charge him.
Liddy decided to divorce her husband. She didn’t have the money to hire a lawyer and represented herself.
‘He could afford two lawyers and a barrister, and then there was just me. Sometimes I was standing at the front, brain switches off completely, because it's quite a frightening place.’
Liddy believes the court didn’t consider her disability or the family violence. She was advised not to mention she had MS.
‘If I did mention the MS, it could go against me. It was too risky with the judge. It was too risky.’
Liddy had heard stories of women with disability who had lost custody of their children and was terrified.
‘Those stories still sit in my brain.’
Liddy wishes she ignored the advice because her ex-husband ended up using her disability against her.
His legal team told the judge they had ‘concerns about her looking after her children’ because of her ‘severe mental health issues’.
The barrister framed her regular MS treatments as electric shock therapy.
‘I just sat there. You can't stand up and go, "I object." It's really hard when you're representing yourself … You want to say, "That's a lie." You can't say anything.’
Liddy felt she didn’t have the opportunity to explain everything properly.
‘I did not have a voice. I had no voice.’
When negotiating the financial settlement, Liddy was still traumatised and said she didn’t care about the money. She believes the settlement was very unfair. She now realises the system didn’t support her.
Liddy has recently started studying and gets ‘extra supports’ because she has MS.
‘I get direct one-on-one chats with the lecturer. That is going to help me excel and pass this course. So why can't the court system be the same?’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.