Kamila
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
When Kamila was 18 she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
She already had a short temper, she told the Royal Commission, but after the diagnosis her GP put her on medication that made her ‘an extremely angry and aggressive person’.
Kamila told her GP her concerns about the medication but was advised to keep taking it.
‘One night, after a minor family fight, I was so angry that I was screaming and throwing objects at the floor, I just could not calm down,’ she said.
Kamila kicked a tiled wall with her bare foot. The next day her toe ‘was black and blue’ and painful.
Kamila couldn’t get in to see her GP, so she went to a clinic and was referred for an x-ray.
‘It turns out I broke it, but I was so angry the night before that I didn't feel the pain.’
When Kamila told her GP what had happened she said, ‘Well it serves you right.’
Kamila was very upset and ‘nearly burst into tears right there’.
‘I only kicked that wall because I thought it better to hurt myself than somebody else.’
Kamila stopped taking the drug because she didn’t want to hurt anybody.
‘I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing that one day.’
But when she stopped the medication she ‘got terrible withdrawals, and ended up being more suicidal than usual’.
Kamila didn’t want to go back to the GP and went to the hospital. The hospital didn’t take her seriously and after they made her say she wouldn’t hurt herself, sent her home. So she returned to the GP who again told her it was her fault for going off the medication.
Kamila felt ashamed. She stopped seeing the GP and has avoided the hospital ever since.
Some years later she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
There is a ‘huge stigma associated with BPD', Kamila says. She would like people with BPD to be seen as people, ‘not bratty, manipulative, hard to treat, attention seeking [and a] waste of resources’.
‘We are not monsters, just people trying our best like everyone else.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.