Joshua
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I have faced many varying struggles as a young openly gay man, but I have faced far reaching and more intense struggles as a young disabled man.’
Joshua is autistic. He has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and experiences panic attacks, anxiety and depression.
‘I started high school as a very overweight young man,’ he told the Royal Commission.
In the first week, when Joshua was changing into his PE uniform one of the boys pointed to Joshua’s large chest and everyone laughed and joked about how he ‘jiggled’. The joking continued in class. As he was changing after class, one of the boys stole his shirts and he was forced to walk out of the locker room bare-chested. Everyone started laughing and when Joshua cried they laughed harder.
That same day a learning support assistant came into the classroom and asked the student sitting next to Joshua to move, saying they had to sit beside Joshua to help him learn.
‘Any hope I had of a normal time in high school was very much dashed in that moment.’
From then on students called him ‘insane’, ‘spastic’ or ‘crazy’.
Joshua went home in tears and his mother contacted the school who encouraged Joshua to speak to the counsellor. Joshua did this, hopeful the bullying would stop. Instead, it escalated.
‘I would bite back, I would retort by calling people names, become agitated or simply scream.’
Teachers punished Joshua even when he explained he was being bullied.
‘I was so lonely and would often spend lunch hiding in a cupboard so that people didn’t tease me.’
On the first day of year 8, a student remarked, ‘Damn it, the fat spastic didn’t kill himself over the holidays. What happened? Did the rope snap?’
Joshua burst into tears and everyone laughed.
On the bus, students regularly called Joshua names, spat on him and stole his bag. One time he reacted and started yelling and the bus driver pulled over and made him get off.
Some boys he barely knew got off the bus with him and told him they were sorry he was being bullied and chatted to him.
‘I explained that I was feeling suicidal, that I didn’t want to live anymore.’
The boys reported this conversation and a counsellor spoke to Joshua about what was going on. The school maintained that they couldn’t control what happened on the school bus and dismissed the bullying at school as ‘friendship issues’.
Not long after this, students posted a video of Joshua reacting to students poking him. When Joshua complained to the school he was reprimanded for having the video on his phone and told to delete it.
Furious, Joshua’s father contacted the school. The school ignored him so he wrote to the education minister. The minister directed the school to meet with the family.
‘The school attempted to claim that all my issues were relating to “on again – off again” friendships, and that I wasn’t reporting the issues and the school wasn’t aware bullying was a problem. The school felt the real problem was of a social nature – that being autistic, I simply didn’t understand the social aspects of high school.’
By year 10 Joshua began to realise he was gay.
‘If the world was going to rip me to pieces for being disabled,’ he thought, ‘why not just also be openly gay?’
Unexpectedly, when students found out Joshua was gay, the bullying stopped.
‘For once in my high school life, I was accepted, however, I realised that I was accepted not because of my disability but because of my sexuality.’
As a drama student, Joshua realised he might be able to ‘act’ normal. He started studying others and monitored and adjusted his reactions – not too loud, not too much laughing or hand movement.
Acting ‘normal’ and being gay enabled Joshua to complete high school, but it required a huge amount of energy and came at an enormous personal cost.
When Joshua went to college and studied drama, for the first time teachers encouraged him to embrace his different mind.
‘I could be my full glorious autistic self … I won awards … I had friends, and a healthy love life.’
Which is not to say there weren’t ongoing challenges.
‘I have had times when my mental health has deteriorated significantly, and I become that boy stuck in the cupboard afraid of the kids outside. I am working on this every day, one step at a time, alongside my psychologist.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.