Isador
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Isador, mid-30s, has a number of disabilities that weren’t diagnosed until she was in her 20s.
Isador’s parents fled to Australia because of conflict in their home country. She told the Royal Commission her mother lived with ‘generational trauma’ and psychosocial disability.
As a toddler, Isador sustained third-degree burns. A government agency removed Isador and her siblings and placed them in a children’s home, then moved them to a foster home.
The foster parents changed the children’s names. ‘A lot of the reports said that we did not identify as ethnic or Asian, and that we didn't want to have anything to do with our parents.’
Isador and her siblings were moved through different foster homes. ‘There was a bit of abuse,’ she said. As soon as she turned 14 she left home.
After finishing school, Isador found work as a consultant. She was earning a high wage, but was also being bullied and harassed. Management ‘drove her to the ground’ until, about six years ago, she sustained a mental health workplace injury. She was pregnant at the time.
‘I just couldn't get out of bed, so I just shut down, didn't want to go back to work, and just never went back.’
Isador made a worker’s compensation claim and had ‘a lot of counselling’. She was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression and adjustment disorder.
‘I had private investigators on me throughout my whole pregnancy. I didn't leave my home. It was bad, you know. I got put through assessments when I was eight and a half months pregnant to do return-to-work activities.’
Isador was admitted to a perinatal ward because of ‘maternal exhaustion’, and was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. The psychiatrist suggested her husband’s demands and the way he spoke to her ‘resembled domestic violence’.
Not long after returning home, Isador had a ‘mental health breakdown’.
Services and police arrived and a police officer told her that the way her husband treated her was family violence. ‘You need to make a choice,’ the officer said. ‘He stays or he doesn’t, but you’re putting your children at risk.’
Isador’s husband struggled to adapt during the COVID-19 lockdowns. Isador threatened to separate if ‘he wasn’t able to stop himself from abusing [her] and the kids’. He started to receive counselling, which led to both him and Isador being assessed for autism.
‘I had an autism diagnosis. My husband came out without one – he said he knew how to answer those questions.’
Isador obtained a family violence order against her husband. He then initiated child custody proceedings, alleging she was a threat to the children.
‘He put in copies of my psychiatric statements, all of the things that were written for me to get support.’
Isador eventually reached an arrangement she would have custody five days out of 14.
Isador’s children have been diagnosed with a range of disabilities and now receive NDIS funding. Isador, however, is ineligible – ‘she ticks too many boxes’ because of the workers compensation payout.
‘I was so traumatised by these processes.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.