Harry
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Harry was born blind and deaf in one ear, so he had always had difficulty with spatial concepts and a sense of direction. Now in his 40s, profoundly deaf and living in a group home, Harry told the Royal Commission that maybe he could be living a more independent life had his education provided the living skills he needs.
As a kid Harry had a really difficult time at school. He always seemed to be getting in trouble for something or other. Right from the start, in kindergarten, teachers would punish him in humiliating ways. Once his teacher made him wear his socks and shoes on his hands instead of his feet, because he did something ‘silly’.
In primary school, Harry was at a special school for the blind. Here things were even worse. ‘A lot of bad stuff went down and I was quite traumatised and I was humiliated and made to feel insignificant,’ Harry told us.
Harry’s lack of spatial awareness wasn’t diagnosed until he was about to leave school, but it got him in plenty of trouble while he was there. He sometimes got lost, got things wrong and was confused. Typically teachers would just get angry with him.
‘It made me feel guilty. Even though it wasn't my fault, I couldn't seem to do anything right.’
When he got lost on the way to class, fell over or forgot something, teachers would tell Harry he was stupid. They would punish him by humiliating him − not letting him join in activities with the other kids, or smacking him, or just making him feel ‘really really low’.
Harry saw other kids with disability being humiliated and abused, too. Harry remembers one boy who couldn't talk and could barely move. He'd wet his pants.
‘I'd hear the teacher smack him,’ Harry recalled. ‘I can still remember his scream … a really tortured scream. A primal scream.’
Then there was this thing that happened during Harry’s school years, and it stayed with him. He was about 10 and having regular one-on-one musical therapy sessions.
The sessions, the music teacher told Harry, would calm him down so that he’d behave better in class. During these sessions Harry wasn’t allowed to talk and had to do everything by touch and feel. The music teacher called these sessions their ‘special time’. She would put on some music and dance or just move about and Harry was supposed to follow her movements. Sometimes fast music, sometimes slow. Harry felt really close to his music teacher, Susan. He thought Susan was his friend.
One time, Susan put on a slow instrumental piece and got Harry to lie on top of her, with his arms stretched out in front of him.
‘It was very intimate … I was only 10 at the time. I didn't have any idea what sex was. I was really uncomfortable but I didn't know how to say it. I thought it was normal. I thought I was silly for feeling uncomfortable.’
Harry felt uncomfortable when these things were happening but says it didn’t immediately have an impact on him. Then, as a young adult in his 20s, Harry started having dreams and flashbacks. He was emotional and upset. He needed someone to talk to.
One day, by chance, Harry and Susan ran into each other in a shop. They exchanged contact details and caught up a few times. Harry eventually tried to talk with Susan about what had happened all those years ago.
‘All my emotions came out and everything was mixed up in my head … I asked what did it all mean? Why did all these things happen?’
But Susan became angry and refused to discuss it. ‘If you have a problem with it, go see a counsellor!’ she told him, and promptly cut off all contact.
Harry feels damaged by the relationships and experiences from his school years. ‘I can get very clingy sometimes. I can be very insecure. I can misread other peoples' intentions − I can't tell when people are joking or not.’
It has also impacted Harry’s ability to gain employment and to feel confident about living independently. With ageing parents, he has had little option but to move into a group home where he lives by rules and limitations that don’t match his intelligence.
Remembering all this, Harry says ‘Yeah, I survived. But that's not the same as being unscathed, you know what I mean?’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.