Eliza
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘There were four times I went to the police and each time I got basically ignored.’
Eliza, late 30s, has functional neurological disorder, bipolar disorder and uses a wheelchair.
For six years, Eliza was in a violent relationship.
‘Every time I went to report it to the police, they were like, “How do we know it wasn’t an accident because he is disabled?” … I felt ignored, and I felt trapped.’
Eliza told the Royal Commission that, during the first 12 months of the relationship when she was living with her dad, her partner was ‘like [her] knight in shining armour’. However when she moved into her own place the relationship ‘went downhill’.
If Eliza refused to have sex with him he would withhold her medication. In public, he loudly and graphically talked about wanting to have sex with her – ‘it was embarrassing’. He accused her of cheating on him and raped her twice.
When Eliza reported the first rape to police they told her if the matter went to court lawyers would interrogate her about the mechanics of the rape – ‘who put what where’.
‘I felt dirty, and it’s like they didn’t believe me, because he is disabled, and then they decided to tell me that the definition of sexual assault is when someone pins you down, and forces themselves on you. Now, they are not recognising that coercion is also a form of rape. At least that is how I felt.’
One time in public, Eliza’s partner rammed his wheelchair into her walker. He pinned her in place refusing to ‘get off her’, only releasing her when her friend called police. The next day Eliza reported the assault to police and asked for an intervention order. Police told her because she went home in the same taxi with her partner she had to obtain her own order from the courts. ‘I know I went home with him but I had no other way of getting home,’ Eliza explained. Police told her she should have called another cab. ‘But how do you call another cab when you’ve got no money?’
Eliza felt ‘so let down’ and ‘didn’t do anything because the police weren’t going to do anything.’
Through a domestic violence support group, Eliza found a female police officer who supported her.
‘She helped me come to the conclusion … would you rather be lonely but happy, or would you rather have somebody but be unhappy … that was when I decided that I had had enough.’
Eliza decided to proceed with her complaint and the matter went to court. She didn’t have a lawyer, but her ex-partner did. The judge asked her why she didn’t report all of the incidents with her ex-partner to police. She ‘felt stuck’ trying to justify her feelings and actions.
Eliza eventually did get a restraining order but said it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. It didn’t make her safe. Her ex-partner has intimidated her and made threats his family members will hurt her. She continues to be scared of him.
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.