Delora
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Delora grew up within a conservative church community in a small town. As a child it was difficult for her to tell anyone that she was being abused by her parents.
‘Something I think about all the time was that life would be very different if children had the right to see a psychologist at school, without their parents' permission,’ she said.
‘Like, if there were just visiting psychologists who were trained to screen for abuse – you know, emotional, physical, sexual or all the above. Because, I was kind of a bright kid, that probably looked for opportunities to try to reach out to other adults. But unfortunately back then, you know, you would get scolded by teachers for sharing private family business.’
Delora is in her mid-40s now. She is autistic, has attention hyperactivity disorder and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She received these diagnoses relatively recently.
‘I guess the stereotype when we were young was very much Hollywood autism, and women present differently when on the spectrum,’ she said. ‘And so unfortunately for, you know, a lot of women in that category, that diagnosis comes a lot later. And so does, you know, the grief with the kind of lost years.’
The diagnosis of complex PTSD has helped her understand herself differently.
‘Now that I know what it is and what that label means, I realise, oh God, I've had it my entire life … I thought everyone had horrible memories pop into their head that just play, you know … Unfortunately I was groomed from a young age to think that having any of those memories means you're unforgiving and you're a bad person.’
Delora would like to see government advertising that promotes awareness of the impacts of trauma, so people ‘could sort of see themselves and go, oh, hang on, maybe I'm not broken. Maybe it's this, and maybe it's that’.
Delora explained her different conditions make it hard for her to judge character and to set boundaries in her relationships. It has been difficult to get support that respects her needs, including from police when she reported an episode of domestic violence.
Delora has needed hospital treatment for an ongoing medical condition a few times, but has ‘escaped’ rather than take the risk of staying. Coming across as ‘neurodiverse or a little bit traumatised or teary’ can mean you’re put in a ‘crazy basket’, she explained.
‘The problem with going in their crazy basket is that you can act more crazy because you can tell that they're not listening to what you're saying. So if people sort of judge you as coming across crazy, whatever, they won't listen to you and they will disregard important information.’
She asked the Royal Commission to recommend 24-hour disability helplines in hospitals. ‘That way if you're in emergency at 11 pm, you could just call the phoneline and go, “Help, they're not listening. Please help. Please help. They're not listening.”’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.