Conan
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I’m the poster boy for what happens when you kick the crap out of a kid, and then give them no help and then set ’em on their way and leave them to go through life.’
Conan is in his 50s and lives with ‘major depressive disorder’ and complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
He told the Royal Commission his brother and a neighbour sexually abused him as a child. He was ‘institutionalised at a young age’, and later joined the army.
‘Which actually exacerbated all the illnesses … So I mean, more trauma on top of more trauma. And I started saying with my mental health, there's something not right. I started having breakdowns, so I tried to get help … Psychologists, they said, “There's nothing wrong with you.”’
Conan turned to various counselling services for veterans.
‘One counsellor said, “It's not your mental illness, it's you.” … Or they say, “Oh, you're using your mental illness as an excuse.” It's one thing to have all these illnesses, but then you go to the system for help and they fail.’
Conan eventually got some help at a private mental health hospital, but not ‘proper care’.
‘Because I was not diagnosed correctly. I got diagnosed in 2012 with borderline personality. And then I went to another psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me … So then you get prescribed illegal amounts of Valium. Didn't help,’ he said.
‘I didn't realise that my whole life was gonna be a war pretty much. It's been exacerbated by the limitations of how people are diagnosed. I only just found out that I don't have an antisocial personality disorder. And that was an albatross around my neck in my life.’
Conan recently spent time in prison ‘because of mental health issues’.
‘You can't get access to critical health, mental health assessment, so they ring the police … And they have no psych training … See, if I got clinical help when I'd needed it last year, I would never have had to go to jail.’
He feels the justice system ‘victim blames’.
‘Because you can’t articulate in a proper way because you're emotionally dysregulated, they discriminate against you, so you get angry, it's a cycle.’
Conan recently got what he feels is his first proper diagnosis.
‘I've got PTSD from childhood and the services, and depression [and] major drinking dependency disorder.’
He is finally starting to access professional support, including a psychiatrist and behaviour therapy. For the first time, he has hope.
‘They're fantastic. They have picked up on me and they stuck with me. And that's the difference. I think they just caught me in the nick of time. I don't think I would've gone on for much longer. I'm still trying to get on top of the whole lifetime of damage that's been done … Catastrophic would be an understatement.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.