Anisha and Esmae
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘I'm just supporting what they want as a couple. And there's nothing wrong with people who have a disability to be in a relationship.’
Anisha, early 30s, has been in a relationship with Mitch for about 10 years.
Esmae, Anisha’s mother, supports them ‘very much … because, you know, why not?’
‘They attended a day program together. They have a beautiful relationship,’ Esmae told the Royal Commission. ‘They dated for a year … and [Mitch] became part of our family … They have feelings. They're allowed to.’
About five years ago, Anisha wanted to move out of home and live with Mitch.
Esmae explored the possibility of supported independent living with the NDIS.
‘One of the goals in [Anisha] and [Mitch]’s NDIS plans was to be a couple and be supported as a couple.’
Anisha and Mitch found a provider who was happy to support them. They moved into a home with another friend from the day program, Kate.
Anisha and Mitch started seeing a relationship psychologist who specialises in working with people with intellectual disability.
For 18 months they lived very happily together. ‘That home felt like a home,’ Esmae said.
Then the CEO resigned.
‘When she left, other staff just kept dropping and were leaving and there was a whole big change in the organisation.’
Suddenly, the provider terminated the accommodation agreement and refused to help Anisha, Mitch and Kate find somewhere else to live.
Esmae said it was challenging to keep them all together.
‘It was so hard because I had to do a lot of the groundwork.’
Esmae ended up renting a house from a family member. It took multiple meetings with CEOs and management for one provider to finally agree to provide services.
About a year later some of the senior staff left. New staff were casual, inexperienced and the support deteriorated.
‘I did my very best to work alongside with them so that they could understand [Anisha’s] situation and her relationship and her needs.’
But staff started judging Anisha and Mitch.
‘They manipulated [Mitch] to believe that it was not good for people that have a disability to have a sexual relationship.’
The provider refused to allow Mitch and Anisha to see the relationship psychologist.
Anisha struggled with the changes and it affected her behaviour. ‘[Mitch] was also suffering.’
Eventually the provider separated Anisha and Mitch, moving Mitch to another group home. Esmae begged the CEO to keep them together but the CEO was dismissive saying, ‘They don't even have a sexual relationship so why should they live together?’
Esmae contacted Mitch’s guardian, the public trustee, but they sided with the provider.
The provider refused to allow Anisha to visit or contact Mitch.
‘[Anisha] suffered the loss of [Mitch] moving away, she became very emotionally unstable. I found it really hard to explain what was happening. And then she stopped eating.’
The provider terminated the agreement with Anisha and Kate and they had to move to another group home.
Staff physically and verbally abused Anisha. One time, Esmae found her with a broken nose and two black eyes. When she asked what happened the CEO told her it was ‘a mystery’. Esmae demanded to see the incident report and CCTV footage but they refused.
Esmae made a complaint to the NDIS Quality and Safeguards Commission. Nothing came of it so she found another provider.
‘They've just housed her in a very nice homely place and they've matched her properly with the other ladies that live there. She's in a happy place now … They are supporting their relationship.’
Anisha and Mitch see each other regularly.
‘I have to advocate for my daughter and [others] because it's not just her that's suffering, it's lots of other people who don't have a voice. And who's going to voice for them?’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.