Mathilde
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
‘Going through the NDIS is the opposite to helping. To me if felt like it was designed to keep you out. It feels like an impenetrable wall of difficulty.’
Mathilde is in her early 60s and lives with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression.
‘I've never actually had anyone give me a proper diagnosis of what's going on,’ she told the Royal Commission. ‘These are lifelong things that have just never been addressed.’
When she was a child, Mathilde was ‘sick all the time’. Doctors treated her for a problem of ‘nerves’. Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) was something reserved ‘for hyperactive boys at school’.
‘They were just giving me so many drugs … I was put on some sort of medication and that was it. I mean, this was back in the 60s so I doubt that there were any child psychologists anyway.’
As an adult she continued to ‘get sick a lot’ but lacked ‘the resources’ to get the right help.
‘I'd recognised from a young age that my mental health was very limited, the way that things would manifest in my physical health.’
In her 30s she met her future husband, who was bipolar. ‘Things just kind of snowballed from there.’ Mathilde had two children, but as she looked after her husband her mental health problems ‘escalated’ and she had a breakdown.
‘It was an abusive relationship, there was domestic violence. Everything felt like it was just piling on.’
The marriage ended in the early 2000s and Mathilde spent the next decade engaged in legal battles. By then she was on a disability pension.
She found the isolation of the pandemic beneficial. ‘I've been able to process things … I used it to deal with some trauma and neglect.’
Mathilde realised she needed help from someone ‘equipped to diagnose mental health conditions’, and asked her doctor for a referral to a psychologist.
‘Because of not having the finances, I’ve been seeing counsellors through community centres. It’s always been about domestic violence or trauma. It never looks into the whole picture.’
Mathilde feels there is ‘inadequate’ support in the NDIS funding process for ‘somebody with psychosocial disability’. Her initial application was rejected.
‘You just get on the merry-go-round and get referred back to the people that have referred you on to the other people, so it's like a hamster wheel. If you have to do that yourself, it’s horrible.’
The second time, she got help and was successful.
‘The feeling of being acknowledged is huge. Actually having support for the first time in my life, it sometimes feels overwhelming because I'm so not used to it.’
Mathilde now has an NDIS recovery coach with mental health expertise who is ‘fantastic, a great help’. She hopes it might lead to a full diagnosis. Reading about undiagnosed adult women with ADHD, she is ‘relating very strongly to that’.
‘I'm really looking forward to moving ahead and having NDIS support to just find a way to get back to doing what I'm good at … It's the first time that I've felt like I could achieve.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.