Toosey
Content Warning: These stories are about violence, abuse, neglect and exploitation and may include references to suicide or self-harming behaviours. They may contain graphic descriptions and strong language and may be distressing. Some narratives may be about First Nations people who have passed away. If you need support, please see Contact & support.
Toosey is in her 30s and lives with bipolar disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder and alcohol dependence.
She told the Royal Commission that in her early teens she was sexually abused by the man she later married.
‘I was groomed … I was entrapped essentially, because I relied on my abuser to provide me with alcohol and drugs.’
The marriage was a violent one.
‘He would continually abuse me physically and emotionally.’
A few years ago, she punched her husband while trying to escape. Toosey wanted to get a domestic violence order against him, but he convinced the police to turn the DVO around on her.
‘That’s what he does. When I tried to leave, he had me admitted to a psychiatric facility.’
Toosey had 10 admissions to mental health wards over the next couple of years. When the couple separated, the Family Court awarded him custody of their three children because of her mental health history.
Toosey felt the police and court system offered her no protection. She says that ‘any domestic violence victims who have a disability’ find it ‘incomprehensibly hard to prepare a DVO application by themselves’.
Toosey wanted police to issue a ‘cross-order, where two people have domestic violence orders against one another’, but they refused.
‘This provides for an environment where vulnerable and disabled people are not only ignored by the police service, but made to live in an unsafe environment … Police were aware of historical child sexual abuse that occurred to me by my estranged husband. They have still not invited me to make a formal statement regarding that.’
Under state law, Toosey said, the child abuse she reported to police had ‘no impact’ on her ex getting custody. ‘It shouldn’t matter that it’s historical,’ she said.
Currently, Toosey doesn’t see her children.
‘I’m only allowed two phone calls a week. And sometimes they don’t happen. I have a letter of recommendation from my psychologist … for me seeing the kids on a graduated basis.’
Police still haven’t acted on the allegations concerning her ex.
‘The fact is, he is now still controlling me. With my children.’
Disclaimer: This is the story of a person who shared their personal experience with the Royal Commission into Violence, Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation of People with Disability through a submission or private session. The names in this story are pseudonyms. The person who shared this experience was not a witness and their account is not evidence. They did not take an oath or affirmation before providing the story. Nothing in this story constitutes a finding of the Royal Commission. Any views expressed are those of the person who shared their experience, not of the Royal Commission.